hankerin’
L.A. Cheap Eats

by Mz. Moxy

The ‘skinny rocker’ is a stereotype for a reason. We live on slim pickins’. We “dine” out on the 99 cents menu (restaurant: irrelevant), or perhaps if we’re feeling mortal – a piece of fruit and single serving yogurt from our local 7-11. That is true rock star dining. Who can afford to please the palate when one meal may run as much as a totally bitchin’ vintage stomp box?! No thanks, keep your high-end grub, I’ll save up for my dream amp, a 1968 Vox AC-30 (and I WON’T shoot my eye out). So began my quest to eat in style…under $10 a meal. Not an easy task. I have trolled this city, and found the best of the cheapest. True, these eateries might not be healthy, trendy, or even in a gunfire-free neighborhood – but they sure are tasty.

A DISH OF L.A. KITSCH

CLIFTON’S CAFETERIA
Cliftonscafeteria.com
648 S. Broadway, LA, CA 90014
213.627.1673
“Welcome to the Dollhouse” by Steve Rodgers in Welcome to the Dollhouse
Four words: Creepy, delicious ski lodge. Clifton’s cafeteria has been around since the dawn of time (1935, really). The décor, complete with faux indoor trees and stained-glass windows makes a statement: BOLD. For extra weirdness, visit around the yuletide season, when they decorate with disturbing life-sized  dolls of children in snowsuits posed on broken sleds. The bakery is legendary. The pecan pie is squishy and sweet, the rice pudding is home-style authentic, and the coconut cream pie puts Mary Jane smokin’ Mary Anne to shame. They also serve up the hot grub school cafeteria-style with plastic trays – but alas, no sporks.
MOXY’S GREATEST HITS: The mashed potatoes, the candied yams, sliced roast turkey, tuna casserole, and of course, the pecan, coconut and banana cream pies.

RANDY’S DONUTS
Randys-donuts.com
805 West Manchester Ave, Inglewood, CA 90301
310.645.4707
“Born in East L.A.” by Cheech Marin
Why is oddly proportioned food so fun? Teeny little cupcakes are so CUTE, and gargantuan donuts KICK ASS. You’ve seen the building time and time again in L.A. b-roll, and driven by in numerous stressed-out dashes to the airport. But when was the last time you paid a visit to Randy’s Donuts? Yes, the donut place with the huge donut atop the eatery. Sure, the donuts are tasty, granted, but more importantly – that big fake donut is way cool. Support L.A. kitsch history and buy a jelly-filled at least once a year. Let’s not ever see Randy’s donuts go the way of “Tail of the Pup”.
MOXY’S GREATEST HITS: Any donut with a hole in the middle, especially when it is served below a looming two-ton pastry.

HAMBURGER MARY’S
Hamburgermarysweho.com
8288 Santa Monica Blvd, West Hollywood, CA 90046
323.654.3800
“Lola” by The Kinks
With themed restaurants taking over, it was only a matter of time before drag queens stomped their stilettos and demanded their God-given right to commercialization. With American grill fare, West Hollywood is the perfect locale for this upbeat and colorful hang. Hamburger Mary’s is also home to Los Angeles institution Legendary Bingo, a raunchy night out with MC Jeffrey Bowman and crew. Hamburger Mary’s throws down with their cheeky flair right ‘til the end, when you get your check in a
size 25 high-heeled shoe.
MOXY’S GREATEST HITS: Mary’s Handbag Sampler, Mary’s Hot Legs, and Mary’s Mac and Cheese Balls.