Hotel /
Motel

words and photos by Miguel Montalvo

Still wells run deep.

Rarely is the Hotel/Motel team “glad to be here”. Thrilled to have a great tale to tell despite our endurance of squalid accommodations is satisfaction enough, in a twisted way. As loyal readers will note: damp carpets, mystery stains, and human teeth are par for the course for Hotel/Motel. The team would hope it’s somewhat of an eagerly anticipated expectation. Hell, the mere suggestion of a “run for the hills” Yelp! review raises our antenna and soon there after ushers in the next reservation. From Hollywood to Santa Monica (human tooth!!!), Burbank to Korea Town, West Hollywood to Little Armenia... we’ve yet to be disappointed. And, in all honesty, we’re quite tickled to discover the next mold and spore-painted bathroom or shifty-eyed front desk clerk with a criminal past. Then came downtown Los Angeles, California...

By no means are we suggesting that downtown L.A. has been a disappointment. It’s been quite the contrary. Downtown has been quite the anomaly in our canon of crappy places to “stay the night”. In fact, we’ve been quite pleased with our stays and in both occasions had eye-opening experiences with the city herself... she ain’t so “to’ up from the flo’ up” like we were lead to believe. And another thing... all that propaganda about downtown getting cleaned-up, getting revitalized, getting her old Sunday dress pressed and her shoes shinned... it’s true. A New Gotham is definitely emerging in the City of Angeles. There are people walking the streets at 11:30PM on a Wednesday night. That was unheard of even a year ago. The megatropotainmentpalooza that will be the Nokia Center (next to the Staples Center) is growing at lightning speed and every corner that can handle it has new lofts, lofts, and lofts galore.

Our second adventure in downtown took us to the top floor of the Hotel Stillwell on south Grand Avenue between 8th and 9th. We dropped our bags on the rock hard double bed of Room 1009 and began our now routine investigation. With online reviews touting “Avoid like the plague!” and that use catchy buzz words like lice and hepatitis, we were bound to find something, but alas... bupkis. Sure there may be some scuffs in the gallons of Navajo White slathered on the walls but nothing to marvel at. The bathroom was clean (one of the cleanest we’ve “used”) and was, to date, the most completely stocked motel bathroom we’ve encountered. In other rat traps we’ve been lucky to be provided soap at all... and at that, it might have been used and re-wrapped by the housekeeper. Nope, not here. These weren’t designer boutique cosmetics, but there were new bars (plural) of soap, double shampoo and conditioner, shower caps, and an abundance of well-folded towels in three sizes. After our long run of grime and decay, well-appointed and comfortable is...well... down right shocking.

Pulling back the curtains reveals an impressive southern view of downtown. 1009 overlooks 9th Street, with FIDM to the right and the Orpheum Theater to the left. A quick sniff around the hallways of the tenth floor revealed hand-stenciled signs reading “To Roof”. Really? Roof access? Sho’ ‘nuf! 360 degrees of unobstructed downtown view. The nighttime view is quite stunning, especially when you are able to witness moments like the Orpheum Theater marquis being switched off, the moon climbing over the breathtaking art deco clock tower of the Eastern Building, and a blazing red neon sign proclaiming “JESUS SAVES” a mere two blocks away. Good to know that L.A. hasn’t lost its sense of humor.

The first floor of the old Stillwell is a true diamond in the rough... a gem, if we do say so ourselves... and the cheapest, coldest beers we’ve had in years. Right there in the lobby of the Hotel is a bar... Hank’s Bar. And it’s everything you’d want it to be and more than you bargained for.

Just three other patrons filled the bar when we walked in at strokes after midnight. It was obvious to the bartender Denise, that we hadn’t been there before when she greeted us with a skeptical, “Can I help you?” We took two stools at one end of the bar and were quickly, and almost dismissively, served a Negro Modello and the Hefeweizen they had on tap ($8 for both!). The juke box music that had been echoing throughout the lobby several hours early was silenced and George, the senior regular, waxed nostalgic while watching “The 20 most Classic Sports Duo’s of all Time” on ESPN. While Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen congratulated themselves on one screen, Gilda Radner and the original SNL cast clown their way through (on mute) the obscure TV movie “Things We Did Last Summer” on VH1.

Patron #2 breaks the awkward time-warp silence... “How was your day, Denise?” “Eh, pretty good... quiet... you know,” she answers. Then she throws George a wry little smile, “No wacko’s waving hatches around today!” They share a laugh... HUH? More info please, Denise! What follows is her account of “what happened yesterday”:

“So, I get in about, ya know, 5 o’clock or so. There were about eight people in the bar. Most of them were construction workers relaxing after work...ya know? It was pretty quiet...then at about 5:45 we all hear this CRASH from the lobby. One of the guys goes ‘What the hell was that?!’, I go, ‘Don’t look over here, it wasn’t me this time!’ I step out in to the lobby and I hear a guy screaming ‘Call 911!!’ like a crazy person...I see him, and he’s standing pretty close to me and I see that in one hand he’s got a knife and in the other hand he’s got a hatchet. Yeah, a fuckin’ hatchet! And this maniac is running around the lobby smashing windows and making a freakin’ mess...not to mention really getting on my nerves.” This is when the Hotel/Motel team order another round.

“The poor girl that was behind the front desk was flippin’ out! Everybody else from the hotel found something to hide behind...the only people in the lobby are my customers... crazy drunks (affectionately)...and the bunch of people who work in the Indian restaurant at the other end of the lobby. The wacko with the hatchet used to work there...he doesn’t speak any English, he hasn’t had a drink in about three days and was going through the DT’s. He got fired a couple of weeks ago, and he’s comin’ back to the restaurant to get money that he says they still owe him. Well, I guess things didn’t go to well over there, so he thought it’d be a good idea to whip out a hatchet, smash some windows in a hotel lobby and freak everybody out. I called the cops and they hauled him away. Nobody was hurt...that poor front desk girl hasn’t come back to work though.”

This story was repeated a few more times while we finished off our second rounds.  We all shared laughs, other patrons came in and they got another adaptation of the tale. All of this happened under a sign that reads “Hank’s, the last of the great neighborhood bars.” You said it!

Great things are found in unexpected places. We came in with our usual expectations of   exposing grub and grime and came out with our new favorite bar and a bartender that already knows what our “usual” is... not to mention she has killer double barrel sleeve tattoos.